Maternity Leave – 7 Hardest Parts

Isolation:

Being on maternity leave can be lonely. Days can be long when you are at home looking after a baby. One day will run in to another, and although you will establish some kind of loose routine you are still alone all day and it can be difficult. This came as a surprise to me, I consider myself to be an introvert. Too much socialization actually burns me out and being alone is how I recharge. After a long day of taking care of a baby you will find yourself craving the company and conversation with an adult. Don’t get me wrong the sweet coos of your baby will melt your heart but a baby is not the same company as an adult. This isolation you will experience is challenging for your relationship with your significant other. You will become very chatty as soon as they get home from work. You will find yourself so eager to talk that you may not give them the space they need to decompress after work. Watching your significant other get ready and head off to work makes you feel deserted. They have a whole life outside of the home still and that can be difficult to understand. You will miss the drive you had to and from work. You will envy the independence your partner has maintained. Some people are lucky enough to have friends that are having babies and are on maternity leave at the same time. If you are like me then all your friends either had babies years ago, have no intention of having children, or will it will be years until they have them. There may be groups in your city that meet at public libraries occasionally and will at least get you out of the house for some socialization with other parents. Taking walks to your local parks may present the opportunities to meet other parents that are on maternity leave as well. It is important to remember that this is temporary. You will eventually find your groove and if you choose will return to work.

Mental Stimulation

There is no doubt that being on maternity leave is not a vacation. It has it’s own challenges. The all day and often all night diapering and feeding marathon can be totally exhausting. You will find yourself on autopilot doing these mindless tasks. After a few weeks with your newborn you will be able to change diapers and feed in your sleep. Once you master that you will begin missing the mental stimulation you once got at work. Before I had my baby I never thought this would be an issue. I thought that maternity leave would be a nice break from the stresses of work and I would be busy trying to figure out this mom thing. If you had a job that challenged you and you are a problem solver you may find yourself bored on maternity leave. Despite being exhausted it may be beneficial to use some of the time your little one is sleeping to find something that mentally stimulates you. Reading a book, learning about something new or even keeping yourself up to date with work related information.

This brings me to my third point…

Self Worth

 Our careers come to define us. For many years you were expected to show up every day, meet deadlines and expectations. Your boss and colleagues all give you feedback and praise for a job well done. There were moments early on during maternity leave that I felt totally worthless. Everything I knew had changed, I knew I was good at my job but I wasn’t sure if I was good at this mom thing. Realizing you are doing something valuable and important can be difficult with a new baby. It almost feels like an identity crisis. It is a shock to your system. Remember what you are doing is important and you are doing a great job. When your baby learns to smile and laugh this is your feedback, proof you are doing something right. Look at maternity leave as a chance to redefine yourself, you are more than your 9 to 5.

News

When you work outside the home colleagues are constantly talking about what is going on in the world. If you are not someone that reads or listens to the news you were likely still able to stay in the know at work. You can become disconnected from what is gong on in the world when on maternity leave. Make it a part of your routine to find some news source to keep you up to date. This is something that you can easily do during feedings. It may also give you more stimulating conversation to have with your significant other when they get home from work. This also relates back to point 2) Mental stimulation, because news gets you thinking.

Housework

Before you have a baby you might envision staying really organized and keeping your house clean while on maternity leave. I mean, you are home everyday you should be able to stay on top of the house work right? Wrong. It’s a harsh reality when you wake up a month after delivering and can’t remember the last time the floors were mopped. Being home all day does not mean you will have tons of time to clean. Once you come to the realization that you can’t do everything adjust the expectations you have for yourself. I made the goal to get one thing around the house done every day whether that be laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms etc. Some days you won’t get anything done, and that’s okay. The purpose of maternity leave is to look after your baby, don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Another option is taking advantage of friends or family members that offer to help. If you are like me and prefer to do your own housework then perhaps someone is willing to watch or hold your baby while you get some much needed house work done. Chances are they would rather cuddle a baby then clean a toilet anyway.

Body Image

Going through pregnancy changes your body in so many ways. You watched your belly get bigger for nine months, so logically it will take some time to go back to normal after. You grew a person inside of you, that is no small task. Telling myself I would be patient, but by 10 weeks postpartum I felt I should look just a little better, a little more “normal”. Only 5 pounds away from my weight before pregnancy, which doesn’t sound like much but seemed huge to me. I could get my old jeans on but some fat would spill over the top. I was still wearing my maternity jeans because they were much more forgiving. It occurred to me that on top of the extra belly fat my body retained that my hips may be wider than before. I may not ever fit in my old jeans the way I did before, I might need to get new ones. I was also experiencing some bladder issues, something that you never thought about and was so easy before can become challenging and frustrating. I wasn’t feeling the urge to urinate the same way I did before delivery. My doctor has assured me what I am experiencing will just take more time to resolve itself. Thanks to Bio Oil, and maybe a little genetic luck I didn’t get any stretch marks. Luckily anyone that has gotten these remember they will fade over time. I have been experiencing a stiff/sore back, I am not sure if pregnancy affected my posture or if it is from lifting and holding my baby. I recommend everyone plan a massage at the two month post-partum mark. Not only do you deserve it but you will likely need it. Did you know the muscles in your hands can hurt, your hands! Caring for a baby is intense. Try not to be as impatient with yourself as I have been. Take care of yourself and you will find normal again. If you are dealing with something that isn’t getting better or is really bothering you seek help.

Relationships

Having a baby will change many relationships in your life. The most obvious change is with your significant other. You spent so much time together just the two of you. You were totally care free and could spend hours talking about all your hopes and dreams or binge watching Netflix all night long. Suddenly there is this little human that is your whole world. You talk about every little smirk, diaper change, and talk in depth about the best way to get a baby to sleep. One day you will wake up and realize you don’t talk about anything except the baby. It is important to remember why you two were together in the first place. Have a trusted friend or family member come for even just a couple hours so you can both get a break and leave the house. It is tough in the beginning to leave your bundle of joy with someone else but I promise you it is the best thing for you both. If you do make it out the door without baby make it a rule that you won’t talk about anything baby related. Remind yourselves why you are together in the first place, you won’t regret it.

The relationships you have with your friends will change. You will bond in a way you never have before with friends that have children. These friends will totally find the humor in the poop explosion that happened all over your pants, shirt and arm. They will understand why you found your cell phone in the refrigerator after a nightlong feeding marathon. On the other hand you will likely feel very distanced with friends that don’t have children or more importantly have no intention of ever having them. You will need time to get out and unwind without your baby and these may be just the friends that you can do this with. Although they should care how you and your baby are doing, after all they are your friends. At least try and limit the amount of time you talk about your bundle of joy. It’s good for you to chat about something else once in a while anyway, which goes back to my point 4) News and 2) Mental stimulation. If you find away to keep up to date with whats going on in the world and do something that you find interesting you will have other topics to discuss with friends.

The relationship you have with your parents will change. You will suddenly have an

appreciation for what they have done. Raising children is hard work and you will

suddenly have something new to bond over. You really know that they would do

anything for you once you have your own child, its a feeling you can’t describe. You will see a different side to your parents, a softer side. They are grandparents now and they don’t have to stress over the day to day things they just get to enjoy the cuddles and spoil them.

Raising children is the most important job anyone can do. Remember that there is nothing wrong with admitting that you are not the “stay at home mom type”. The most important thing is that you are the best person you can be for your children. It is important to be a positive role model, and that can mean different things for different people. If you are experiencing feelings of sadness that aren’t going away please seek help.